Dingos Ate My Blog @ Blogspot

Dingos moves

2005-11-05T00:30:00.000-06:00

Dingos is now on LJ.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/dingosatemyblog/

CURRENT MOOD: Wrath of Katrina

2005-10-25T15:23:00.000-05:00

A plague upon this movie. And the thieves who stole it.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0482527/

Making progress...

2005-10-23T15:37:00.000-05:00

Ok, so today is going better.
I've got 4 1/2 big pieces of the costume cut out.
It's all nice and chilly (i.e. 70 degreesish) and windy out today so that's helped add to the Halloween spirit. See, sometimes it's hard to tell it's fall in Texas. Also to help with the mood, I've been watching Halloweenish stuff non-stop. So far I've watched:

-Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
-Addam's Family Values
-Phantom of the Opera (ok not really Halloweenie, but hey, Phantom!)
-BtVS: Halloween
-BtVS: Buffy vs. Dracula
-Angel: Darla
-Angel: Reunion (currently watching)

And in a bit JJ's going to come over and we're going to rent Underworld, which I've never seen.

Yesterday was bittersweet. Very happy that the undefeated Longhorns yet again kicked ass against Texas Tech (52-17) but I dropped my new cell phone (which I threw down $150 for) in my foot bath! $%@!@^^%*&*%##$#% Fortunately the water mark on the screen is gone but it still gurggles "Somebody Told Me" by the Killers everytime someone calls. Damn Cingular Wireless for being closed today.

2005-10-22T21:20:00.000-05:00

ugh.
sewing a costume is fucking hard. i *hate* it!
why do they have to may the instructions all hard n shit?
"Easestitch upper edge of front 1 between side seamlines."

I'm still here...

2005-10-14T00:58:00.000-05:00

just haven't had much to blog lately.
Going on a mini-break (as Bridget would say) this weekend to Carmine, TX. Yeah, I've never heard of it either. Population: 230. But it should prove to be a nice getaway, so long as I don't have any encounters with,

a) banana spiders
b) ghosts
c) banana spider ghosts

For realz, I'm scared.

In othe rnews, making lots of progress with Halloween. JJ and I are going to be nerds. Well nerds disguised as:

JJ's lightsaber came yesterday and he's been having lots of fun pretending to destroy things/people/animals/jews with it. It's really fucking badass too. It's an exact replica of Darth Vader's. It has motion sensors and makes all the sound fx and it's heavy as shit! I wish I could upload the video clips we took. But here's a few pics:

And the rest of his costume is in the mail. Now, I just have to buy the fabric for mine and sew the damn thing. It shouldn't be too hard....

*gulp*

2005-10-03T23:30:00.000-05:00

Man, I really want to blog about Serenity by a) I'm dead tired and b) I think I've just been in too much awe to form an intelligent statement about the movie. All I can muster up is "love...joss..he's...it was...blahg!"
I'll come back to this later.

In other news, fuck Bush.

What’s President Bush’s position on Roe vs. Wade?

2005-09-27T10:33:00.000-05:00

He doesn’t care how people get out of New Orleans.

Stuff

2005-09-24T23:45:00.000-05:00

Today I did stuff.

When I awoke this mor--err-noon... it looked so beautiful and windy outside I just had to get out and exercise. Damn deceiving wind. It was like fucking 100 degrees out. Fuck heat. Still, hot wind is better than no wind.

Then I came back and absentmindedly logged right onto myspace. I'm so disgusted with how often I'm on myspace. Granted I'm not hardcore like some people on there, but couldn't my time be put to better use? Do I really need to log on everyDAY? Oh hang on a sec, I think I got a new message...

eh, nevermind it was just some loser.

Anyhow, after lunch I took my mother to Starbucks, our usual Saturday ritual. I'm getting so fucking tired of the shitty drive thru service at the Parmer/Metric Starbucks. Every freakin time! Today was no different. There was the usual long line of cars. The truck at the window had been sitting there for a good five minutes, holding up the line. Finally an arm stuck out of drive thru window and passed off a frappucino to the driver. It's always the goddamn frappucinos that hold up the line. I've decided the workers at this location are completely incompetent when it comes to frappucinos. So finally I placed my order... I could not have more clearly stated that I would like a Tall Caramel Frappucino with a shot of Espresso. Brittany the barista even parroted my order back to me thru the speaker with perfection. So why was I handed a Venti Caramel Frappucino with a shot of Vanilla? Ya know what? Whatever, I said. Mistakes happen, look at Bush. But when I handed it back and started to tell her what I actually ordered she became overwhelmed as if I was patronizing her and said "Whoa! Whoa! Tell me what you ordered." Damnit bitch, I'm trying to. So then she disappeared back into the kitchen. Three minutes must have gone by as I felt the tension build with the line of cars behind me. I did my best to throw my arms up a few times and lean my head against my hand in boredom, so that the drivers behind me did not think I was sadistically enjoying keeping them from their vice. I assured my mother that after all this they would definitely be handing us a free drink voucher, as I was once employed by the evil Seattle based coffee company and know that when a barista fucks up an order, they are to accompany the corrected order with a coupon good for one free drink.
Finally Brittany emerged with a Tall Caramel Fappucino and a halfhearted apology. No coupon. No caramel sauce on top of the whipped cream. Fucking cunt.

Well at least I can say that the whole experience made me feel more appreciative of this: Click Here to View

On a side note, how much do you know about the Starbucks logo? The logo is of a Siren. During the slow hours of my shifts, I used to stare at the thing. I was trying to figure out what in the hell that sleazy bitch was holding.

Bags of coffee? Or are those her hands? Or maybe it's just the waves of the ocean?

Here. Take a look at the original conception of the logo.

Ohh!!! It's her legs!!! She's holding her legs wide open and seducing you with her mer-gina! "Sample my java, baby."

Wake up, Sheeple! You're allowing yourself to be seduced by corporate mer-gina!!!!!

...but anyway... I digress...

Afterwards, I drove all over the place looking for some stupid Mexican store that my mother wanted to go to. Per usual, a yelling match ensued between us. Finally we found the god forsaken place. After 5 minutes she came out and said "It wasn't what I thought it was going to be." ::palm forehead::

By this point, I needed a drink. Hold the mer-gina. So I hauled ass over to Baby A's and partook in some drinkage of a Pink Passion Margarita and a small bowl of chile con queso. mmm... cheese.

Feeling refreshed and slightly verschnickered, we headed over to Linens N Things. I usually enjoy this store but today I was bored out of my mind. And fucking, we were there for like an hour because mom just wanted to take her sweet ass time. So I sat in a broken massage chair and texted people while I waited. And waited. In midst of all my waiting some ballsy 7 yr old kid came up to me and started pushing the ON button on the massage chair. I just glared at him while the goofy, autistic little shit just kept trying to turn the thing on. Dumbass. I was finally so annoyed I gave up the chair. I wandered around and actually saw a painting (two actually) that I fell in love with:

Each piece is $150, but I love it! Somebody please buy it for me and I'll be your best friend 4-ever! With sugar on top! I was just barely able to snap a picture of it before this dumb bitch snapped "You're not allowed to take pictures in here." I swear, some people are so bitter about being ugly.

Later in the evening I went over to visit Scott and Doug, or as they like to be called, Scug. They asked me to take some pics of them for their music profile on myspace. They write/preform music together. Here's my favorite outtake that they refused to use:

LOL!

Ok what else?...
I saw the Corpse Bride yesterday - it was one of those enjoyable little movies that doesn't need to be broken down or analyzed. It was just good fun.

Also has dinner at Threadgill's this past week with Beth, Matt, and JJ. Here's some pics from the evening:

Here's Beth. She's wicked cool. Emphisis on wicked...

Beth and me. We are neat.

I whisper a secret to Beth. Err, in her mouth...

Beth whispers a secret to me, uhh, down there...

My belated birthday present from Beth. I think it's candy or something...

Ok, well this turned into quite a long update. So I'll leave you at that. Anyhow, I have to go check my myspace...

2005-09-21T15:19:00.000-05:00

i • d • i • o • syn • cra • sy

1. A structural or behavioral characteristic peculiar to an individual or group.
2. A physiological or temperamental peculiarity.
3. An unusual individual reaction to food or a drug.

List five of your own idiosyncrasies and then tag five friends to do the same.

1. I cannot sleep with my closet or bathroom door open, sometimes I like to have the main door cracked, but it's like I need to back myself in a safe corner or something.

2. Unknowingly having something stuck in my teeth is soo embarrassing to me that I go to great lengths to avoid this. As many people have noticed, if I don't have a mirror on my when dining out, I will (unsuccessfully) nonchalantly use the reflection of a silver dinner knife. If no knife, I promptly run off to the bathroom to do a check and floss if necessary. And you don't want to know the lengths to which I have gone when I've been flossless.

3. When I dry my hair I must close the bathroom door and open the shower curtain. I don't want anyone sneaking up on me (or any monsters lurking in the shower) when I am temporarily deaf.

4. I'm just OCD in general. I fixate on the littlest things and they will irritate me until I straighten them or move them or something.

5. I'm anti-semitic. ...eh, I guess that doesn't really count - it's not that peculiar.

2005-09-19T10:15:00.000-05:00

I don't think I should be forced to stop at *every* red light if I don't want to.

Is it a sign or is it a sign?

2005-09-14T22:33:00.000-05:00

So I was at Exxon yesterday pumping what was left of my bank account into my car when I look over and see this SBC advertisement...

And for anyone who actually does not know, Beswitched is the name of a screenplay I'm cowriting. For the last 2 1/2 yrs. Yeah, don't ask about it, please!!! I promise I will inform anyone and everyone when the slightest of progress is made on it.

Seriously, I may have down syndrome.

2005-09-09T13:21:00.000-05:00

On my computer at work there is this little yellow triangle at the bottom right of my screen.

If you click on it, it broadcasts an emergency message to everyone's computer, in the ENTIRE building, saying that you need help.

Most people can say they've clicked the yellow triangle on accident at least once.

It takes a specialier kind of person to say they've accidentally clicked on it more than once.

God damnit.

/drool

2005-09-06T18:35:00.000-05:00

Orange Triangle

2005-09-04T19:45:00.000-05:00

Yay! I got new leather boots today! Thanks daddy! Well, my dad didn't actually buy them for me - that'd just be awkward. But he did give me the gift card that allowed me to buy them... But OMG I looooove leather boots!!! I love them because they say to the world:

"Hello world, I'm a hooker. Not at all pricey. Kinda lower to mid-range. And I'll probably do anything. Except maybe scat. But we can negotiate."

2005-08-30T22:03:00.000-05:00

Wow. Ok. A moment.

I feel like I have been going non-stop. But hey, that's how I like it.

Thanks to everyone who came out for my birthday! No, I'm not talking about closets. I had a wonderful time celebrating... Friday I had dinner with friends at my favorite restaurant, Carmelo's. I didn't think I was drunkity drunk but I s'pose I was given some of the memory is hazy. Hazy like a haze coming off burning babies. Anywho! After dinner we went to see The Aristocrats at Alamo Drafthouse. If you haven't already heard, it's a documentary about "one hundred superstar comedians telling the same very, VERY dirty, filthy joke--one shared privately by comics since Vaudeville." Aaah, I'm tellin' ya. There's nothing in this world that warms my heart quite like a good ol' incestuous joke. Especially if it involves piss and shit and vomit. I give it two thumbs up... your grandmothers ass. And then later, after the movie I... oh, wait. Shit. I forgot. I can't talk about this part. It's rated NC-17, for mature audiences only. And I don't know any of those.

Saturday night, my actual birthday, I spent gettin' my drink on at The Red Fez with more friends. It was a good time but I wish more people had shown up. Lamers. Oh and a special thanks to Andrew for driving all the way down from Arlington to spend a few hours with me.

Frack. More birthday stuff happened on Sunday but I am too frackin tired right now to post it. I, um, err, haven't been getting a whole lotta sleep lately.

Very excited tho. Tomorrow is the last day of my current temp assignment and then I'm getting a 5 days off! Who knows, maybe more. Hurrah!

Just got back from seeing Wedding Crashers. Was funny.seruiusly tired now..sleep..in my... to bed. now,,,,,,,,,

If a boy asks you to follow him into the woods...

2005-08-28T23:59:00.000-05:00

JUST SAY NO!!!

Seriously, there is fucked up scary shit going on in the woods, even right now, like spiders and rocks and tires and shit. I ain't playin'. Ok, so...

Here's me 45 mins earlier. La la la, talkin on my new cell phone, surrounded by the safety of urban America: alcohol, fried food, air conditioning, indoor plumbing, pest control, etc.

Here's JJ. Look at him! He already knows what's up. He's been planning this all day I bet. Look at that evil smirk. tssh!

Just before. You can even see "the woods" lurking in the background. Mocking me. I'm not skeerd!

Ok I'm skeerd! This here, my friends, is "the path." What you can't see from this picture is all the spider webs and creepy crawlies and god knows what else!

Woodie Woodlison at home in the woods.

This is me, *alone*, balancing on a wobbly rock. I am surrounded by ickiness. This rock is my only haven. OMG!!! I want to go hoooome! Please, god help me!

Now let's take a closer look at that same picture.

OMG! All I have to do is claw my way to the top of this treacherous, rocky avalanche and I'm home free!!!

After.

::heavy sigh:: ...not to mention...

Current Mood: Mortified

2005-08-25T07:39:00.000-05:00

Have you ever tried to text message your lover only to find that you accidentally sent it to.... your father?

Oh dear god, the shame!!!!

Fuck Plateaus and Firemen

2005-08-18T19:04:00.000-05:00

I've been on one with weight loss for a year now (a plateau, not a fireman).

But I'm slowly starting to lose again due to the combination of a consecutive 8 day exercise marathon and successful dieting. I did take two days off with the exercising but I'm going to start up again in just a few minutes actually.

Work has been getting less and less interesting as the current assignment I'm on (and have been on since December) is coming to an end in 9 days. I can't seem to, and nor do I want to, get anything done. And no one around me does either. We just behave like naughty children all day.

Tomorrow is pizza day at work. I'm going to do my best to resist. I hear stapling your mouth shut works quite well.

Fuck. And tonight I have to spend literally forever putting all my god damn clothes back in my closet because the damn firemens had to get in there this morning and fiddle with this hole in the ceiling that leads to like an attic or some shit. Fuckers.

Anyway, I'll leave you with a math equation.

The Velvet Spade + making out = hot

Crash Review

2005-08-14T21:20:00.000-05:00

I saw Crash last night and it's quite possibly the best movie of the year. No doubt it'll get tons of noms. The acting was great but I think the writing really stood out. I don't want to give away too much for those who haven't seen it but since I think I'm one of the last people on the planet it to see it... oh well, except those billion or so people in China who are too poor to see a movie... and of course remote African tribes... but I'm pretty sure they don't read my blog - Duh! It's in frackin' English. But I digress.
Set in Los Angeles, Crash is a human drama about racism and prejudice among Americans. The movie follows a number of diverse characters and showcases their chance encounters and reactions toward one another. I think a major theme of the film is 'What defines a person?' What they say and feel? Or their actions? Or further more, which actions? Each character is carefully portrayed in a specific way during the first half of the film; some as degenerates or mondo bigot pricks, others as do-gooder protagonists or victims of bigotry. By this point the viewer has unconsciously taken the bait and succumbed to their own prejudices toward the characters. Now that you think you have the characters pinned down, the second half works to deconstruct the established prejudices by showing each character in a (at times shockingly) different light.
As I said before, the writing was exceptional and the performances were very powerful and touching. To top it off the film was accompanied by a surreal and often angelic score.
Also worth noting was the hotness of Ryan Phillippe. They should totally give him an oscar just for being pretty. ::drool::

pout pout

Watch the trailer for Crash here.

Jung Personality Test

2005-08-13T20:15:00.000-05:00

Your Type is ESFJ

Extroverted - 22%
Sensing - 1%
Feeling - 50%
Judging - 1%

You are:

* slightly expressed extrovert
* slightly expressed sensing personality
* moderately expressed feeling personality
* slightly expressed judging personality

2005-08-11T21:05:00.000-05:00

I really can’t stand when generalizations are made about men and women or when a distinction is made between the sexes like they are different species.

But I suppose it’s true that a large percentage of people fit the stereotype of their sex. Chauvinistic, macho men and flakey, catty women. People whose personalities lean away from the middle tend to get on my nerves.

I notice I’m more attracted and interested in people who are “genderly” balanced. In the middle. I suppose that would explain all the gay men. Actually though, I think it’s harder to find balanced female friends. I guess that’s why I have so few. But I’m truly fortunate the few I have. In the future I think I shall give a test to potential female friend candidates. If she laughs at this t-shirt, then I know we can be friends…

Special Bulletin

2005-08-07T10:36:00.000-05:00

My Birthday is coming up, y'all! So please postpone all plans, dates, weddings, funerals, concerts, galas, emergencies, other birthdays, and other special events to sometime after the 27th!

Looking into having some tables reserved at the Red Fez on 5th street for that night.

And please, your presence is the only gift I require.

...Oh shit, I think I misspelled that. I meant,

your PRESENTS are the only gifts I require. And I require them to be expensive and pretty.

Thanks!

2005-07-30T20:03:00.000-05:00

Current Mood: Very Content

Damn blogspot doesn't do that whole "current mood" stuff so I have to type it in myself and then it looks so gay. Gay stupid, not gay homo. I've found there's so many different meanings to the word "gay"...

Anyway! I've actually had a really good day. First of all, I was reading the Chronicle this morning and this made me laugh so hard I almost piddled myself...

LOL! Ok, so what else? I'm super happy because I finally decided to abandon all rational and good sense and I opened a Bebe account and maxed out the card in 30 minutes. But it was soooooooooooo worth it!!! I got a whole new wardrobe. I love new clothes. They make me feel importanter. Than you. And your mom. Combined.

Also I was at Terra Toys today picking up some bday presents for Beth (Happy Birthday, you filthy whore! Love you!) and I saw this. Mike, Adam, Scott, Doug (prolly others) you'll love this. It made me think of all of you at once!
It's a toy called "Baby Shower"...

Anyway, you get the idea.

2005-07-29T23:37:00.000-05:00

Today at work was my supervisor's birthday. She's the fucking funniest black girl I've ever met. We all got her food for her birthday because, well that's what she loves. So I went to HEB and picked her up a box of the funniest cereal I've ever seen... It's called Good Friends. Each box depicts a seemingly mix-matched couple of people. I got her the one with the black girl and the white chick on it, with shit-eating grins. So funny!

She loved it so much she colored in one of the black girl's teeth to match her own gold tooth! lol

Ugh, so glad it's Friday night. ...still buzzing from happy hr. :) Had a Mex Mart from Trudys and a Banana, and 3/4 of a Purple, margarita from Baby A's.
Watching The Producers right now... may.. fall........ aslee...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

The Aristocrats

2005-07-28T21:56:00.000-05:00

I heard about this documentary on Air America today called The Aristocrats. It looks really funny. So far as I can tell it's about the culture of stand up comedians but more specifically about a particular, private joke they all tell each other, and it's supposedly the most offensive, filthy, and twisted, joke imaginable. The joke is called The Aristocrats. From theagitator.com:

The joke always begins with a family walking into the office of a talent agency, and ends with the punchline "the Aristocrats!" The aim apparently is for the joke teller to fill in the middle by putting various members of the family into the most offensive sex acts and images the mind can conjure. Each joke-teller brands the joke with his own filth. The more tasteless, the better.

You can watch the trailer and find out more about the movie at thearistocrats.com.

::long heavy sigh::

2005-07-27T19:10:00.000-05:00

OH. MY. FREAKING. GOD!!! What is my damn problem? Seriously, maybe I should find a support group and start going to eatings - DAMNIT!!!!

::regains composure::

...I mean, *meetings* because I can't control MY EATING!

Today at work there was a pot luck feast with hot dogs and chili and cakes and cookies and queso! Oooh yes, wonderful, wonderful queso. I felt like I was in Willy Wonka's Pure Imagination Room! From the moment my co-worker said "Ok the food is-" I shot out of my seat and tornadoed over to the buffet, like the Tazmanian Devil, knocking over elderly and disabled coworkers who were unknowingly standing in the path of destruction. Many lives were lost.... BUT MAN THAT QUESO WAS DAMN GOOD! Mmmmm!

But seriously. That was bad. And so I must pay for my sins by exercising twice as long tonight.

Oh, hey! That new show is on TV...

2005-07-26T22:59:00.000-05:00

Current Mood: Productive!!

Yay! Making progess with Beswitched. Maybe we will actually finish it before Easter ...2017. Oh joy!!

Sexy/Beast

2005-07-26T18:49:00.000-05:00

I've turned over a new leaf so many times this year when it comes to diet/exercise, that by now I've likely uprooted and turned over an entire tree.
I keep saying 'this is the week! this is the day! this is the very moment - from here on I shall maintain totalistic self-discipline! I shall not give in to the seductive ways of cheese and fat and sugar. I shall embrace all things healthy and I shall love it!'

...and then someone waves a cheese doodle in front of my nose and I crumble. I crumble like a wild beast that has been locked up, tormented and starved for seven days and seven nights. (click here)

So, hopefully I can get some weight loss goin' on here before I deforest an entire... well, forest.

If my life were a sound...

2005-07-22T20:06:00.000-05:00

right now it would be the sound of crickets chirping. And, of course, a dog barking in the distance.

Not much happens on the weekdays for me. I get so wrapped up in work and nothing happens there that's blogworthy. Well, I guess there is a lot of juicy drama, but I'm just so happy to be outta there that why waste precise free time reliving it?

Did I mention I've been catching up on Battlestar Galactica with Scott? Damn fine show. It'll never touch Firefly but it's a good show nonetheless. I think I'm going to try to do the Firefly marathon at Alamo Drafthouse right before Serenity comes out.

Going to play poker in a bit with some friends. I GONNA KICK ME SOME ASS!

4 hours later...
...well that was ten bucks well spent. >:(

Indeppth Analysis

2005-07-18T18:23:00.000-05:00

So I've seen Charlie and the Chocolate Factory twice now (not because I'm obsessed with it but it just happened that way - long story) and I've heard basically the same reaction from everyone "I liked it ...except for Johnny Depp." My own reaction was I really liked it. I even liked Johnny Depp. I found his character definitely strange but original and humorous. Yet somehow I could sympathize with everyone's criticism, though I wasn't sure why. So that got me thinking about it...
I've been reading this book, on loan from Scott, called The Writer's Journey, which is based on another book called The Hero with a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell. Both books discuss the idea that there is a set of ancient archetypes that can be identified in any successful story and that every story is based on the myth of the hero, or the hero's journey. The hero of a story is identified as the character that changes the most; that has the biggest character arch; the one that has inner and/or external demons they must face. In the 1971 Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, our hero is Charlie. He is the one the audience identifies with and wants to be. The audience relates to Charlie's joy in finding the golden ticket and entering the magical world of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. There aren't really any inner demons Charlie has to face, his journey is more external. He must avoid the pitfalls of the factory and prove himself worthy of becoming Willy Wonka's heir, whether he knows it or not. His worthiness and loyalty is "tested" once more in the end of the movie when he returns the everlasting gobstopper to Willy Wonka. In this movie, Willy Wonka plays the role of the mentor, the hero's advisor; the one he looks up to and one day wishes to be. He also is seen as a father-figure to the fatherless Charlie which is a strong reason why I think Gene Wilder's character is so beloved.
In Tim Burton's 2005 version of the story, Willy Wonka is predominately the hero of the movie. Charlie may still be externally changed in the end, but the story is more focused on the inner struggle with Willy Wonka. Now, the reason I think audiences dislike Depp's character is because they are being asked to identify with someone they don't want to. Nobody wants to be Willy Wonka anymore than they want to be Cinderella's fairy godmother. Audiences want to identify with Charlie, the sweet, deserving boy who goes from rags to riches. Also the audience is mislead to believe Charlie is our hero because the first 3rd of the movie focuses on him while Willy Wonka isn't even properly introduced until the second act where there is an abrupt shift in focus.
Even more, I think viewers who try to project the role of the mentor on Willy Wonka, as they did with Gene Widler's character, end up frustrated and disappointed that this "father figure" is acting immature, like a Peter Pan.
For some reason or another, of which I'm not sure, I was able to allow myself to excuse this and not let myself get too bothered by it. It was just a good, fun movie and I think I was just too dazzled by Tim Burton's customary eye candy.

The Golden Ticket

2005-07-16T21:48:00.000-05:00

I WON!!!!!!!!!!!! I won the golden ticket! Well, my mom did. But it was still really cool.

We went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory today at where else then the Alamo Drafthouse. It was so awesome. Here's the ad...

We were the first in line for the movie today. Alamo had some of their people half-assly dressed as oompa loompas, serving candy and chocolate dipped fruit and angelfood cake in the lobby.
When the let in, they handed each person a wonka bar (which I suspect was just a small hershey bar wrapped in a foil wonka wrapper of their own design). We claimed our hard-earned seats in the middle of the middle row and opened our bars. That's when my mother found her golden ticket. Each showing only got one! We rule!
The golden ticket was a $50 gift certificate to the Drafthouse, so we use it to cover our expensive-ass meal. I had the Violet meal - the tomato soup was the best, really spicy. The roast beef wasn't bad, but I'm pretty sure my baked potato never saw the inside of an oven. However, the blueberry pie was very good and made up for it.
It's a little strange eating in the dark, I'm always worried about what I might find wrong with my food, were the lights on. I try not to bite into to things too quickly just in case I discover something icky. But by the time I was starting on my second fizzy lifting drink, I was as high as a kite and did not care.
I really enjoyed the movie too. I don't care what anyone says, Johnny Depp was wonderful and is really, truly one of the best actors today.
Oddly though, his Willy Wonka kind of reminds me of Dr. Evil. And he kind of has a Mike Myersish look to him in this movie. He had a lot of great one liners too.
I was trying to read the book before I saw the movie, but I only had time to get halfway through it. From what I've read though, this movie is very, very close to the book. Except strangely, I felt that Gene Wilder's Wonka was closer to the one depicted in the book. Oh well, they're both great Wonkas and great movies and there's no sense in comparing them since they're so different.
One last thing, they showed the trailer for The Corpse Bride, the next Tim Burton/Johnny Depp colaboration. It looks really cute! Click here to see the trailer online at rottentomatoes.com.

In repsonse to Beth's plea that we start exercising...

2005-07-16T11:11:00.000-05:00

Ok, girl. I'm all in. Let's do it. Let's send this fat back to hell or where ever it came from.
YOU GONNA DIE FAT!

...

wait. I didn't mean *you* are going to die fat. Let me re-phrase.

YOU GONNA DIE, FAT!

There. Commas are important.
So yeah, I too have *never* been proud enough to wear a bikini. And sadly, my body has never been worthy of even a one piece, but I wore one anyway. In shame. Tremendous, tremendous shame. I'd beach myself on one of those alligator floatie things and two minutes later, when the alligator would start to give in the middle and I could feel a cold, wet sensation creeping into the ass of my bathing suit, I would have the urge to just roll off into the water and sink to the icy bottom and die! ...but fat floats. It's like some cruel joke. A fat person tries to end her misery by drowning herself and the water, like some schoolyard bully, lugs her back up to the surface and says "Hey everybody! Look at this fat girl. Oh my god is she *fat*! Holy shit, have you ever seen anybody so *fat* before? Yeah, she tried to drown herself in me. Ha! Fat cow."

I hate water.

So little time...

2005-07-15T18:06:00.000-05:00

I feel like there is SO MUCH I want to do but I'm too damn busy:

a) Working (hard at going nowhere)
b) Commuting to and from this go-nowhere job
c) Dicking around on the interent
d) Watching movies (as opposed to making them)
e) Contemplating exercise

I have so many interests that I try to pursue while simutaneously attempting to earn a living and have a life, that I really spread myself too thin.

Projects/interests/hobbies/shit I would like to spend more time pursuing:

a) Screenwriting, etc...
b) Photography
c) T-shirt design
d) The Gaming Cafe with Beth
e) Sewing/Fashion design
f) Reading
g) Watching ever movie on my "need-to-see" list
h) Staying in the know/getting involved, politically
i) Decorating my apartment
j) Exercising
k) Playing video games
l) Going back to school (not to get anymore degrees but to just take some classes I missed out on like computer stuff, more language, other film classes, other photography classes, weird stuff, etc etc)
m) Traveling

The suckiest thing is, I've been out of college for two years and all this time I've been working, I have saved a grand total of...

are you ready?...

ZERO DOLLARS AND ZERO CENTS.

I suck at saving money. I also suck at paying off my credit card. ...or rather, *not* paying off my maxed out credit card...s.

As Mike would say, "Nice job, jackass."

Really, all this could be resolved if I would just quit my job and find a sugardaddy to sponser me while I "be creative."

Let's consider my options, shall we?

A)

Name: Kim
Age: 22
Occupation: Sells birdfeeders on eBay
Interests: girls, hanging out, partying, listening to music, driving my pimped out firebird

B)

Name: Gonzalo
Age: 34
Occupation: Owns a dry cleaning business
Interests: sensual women

C)

Name: Dave
Age: 44
Occupation: Manager at Luby's
Interests: hiking, boating, roller skating, singing, board games, babysitting, collecting rare coins, all you can eat buffets!

Ok, so... maybe not so much.

War of the Worlds

2005-07-11T00:25:00.000-05:00

Oddly, this summer has been surprisingly good for blockbusters. I just saw War of the Worlds today at the drafthouse and even Tom Cruise couldn't fuzz-uck it up. Of course, however, it took me about ten minutes to accept him as his character rather than 'Hi, you're Tom Cruise, star of such films as Jerry Maguire, Mission Impossible 1-3, and the ever homoerotic Top Gun."

I didn't read the book, or see the other movie, or know anything about the plot before I went to see this, which I was glad because it really left me on the edge of my seat. So, overall, I thought it was one of the best this year. And Tim Robbins also had a small but praiseworthy part.
Before the show, in typical Alamo tradition, they showed an assemblage of clips relevant to the movie, including one from the London premiere in which a reporter squirts Tom Cruise in the face with a trick microphone. He kept it together but I really find stuff like that almost unbearable to watch.....
ALMOST!!! hahaha! Click here for the clip.

Bizarro News of the Day

2005-07-10T01:51:00.002-05:00

Awhile back Doug auditioned for this NBC sit-com called Four Kings in which he would have been playing a guy named Barry had he gotten the part. Unfortunately, he did not get a call back.

So I just happened to come across this article today...

Seth Green
Was: Oz on Buffy
Is: Barry, one of four roommates in NBC's Four Kings

Four Kings, about a guy who invites his friends to move into a house he inherited from grandma, is from Max Mutchnick and David Kohan, the team behind a little show you may have heard of--Will & Grace. Pair 'em up with our favorite former wherewolf, Seth Green, and it seems you can't go wrong. Truth be told, though, I was more entertained by the cast in person than by the show itself, though I suppose that's to be expected when the stars are so charming and easy on the eyes.

Seth says he's still "so grateful" that Buffy fans continue to come up and talk to him. "They're fiercely loyal, and it's really great." As for his thoughts on a Buffy movie: "I'm always script-dependent. If there's a good story that's worth telling, I got no problem being a part of it.

In fact, I'd love to do it. But you know, I couldn't actually be Buffy. I don't kick like her [Sarah Michelle Gellar], and quite frankly, I don't bring in the crowd. I think it has something to do with her exceptional figure and gorgeous face."

Had Doug only gotten a role on the show too... ::palm-smacks forehead::

Happy 4th of July!!!

2005-07-04T12:54:00.000-05:00

Let's celebrate by singing in unison together...

America, FUCK YEAH!
Coming again, to save the mother fucking day yeah,
America, FUCK YEAH!
Freedom is the only way yeah,
Terrorist your game is through cause now you have to answer too,
America, FUCK YEAH!
So lick my butt, and suck on my balls,
America, FUCK YEAH!
What you going to do when we come for you now,
it's the dream that we all share; it's the hope for tomorrow...

FUCK YEAH!

McDonalds, FUCK YEAH!
Wal-Mart, FUCK YEAH!
The Gap, FUCK YEAH!
Baseball, FUCK YEAH!
NFL, FUCK, YEAH!
Rock and roll, FUCK YEAH!
The Internet, FUCK YEAH!
Slavery, FUCK YEAH!

FUCK YEAH!

Starbucks, FUCK YEAH!
Disney world, FUCK YEAH!
Porno, FUCK YEAH!
Valium, FUCK YEAH!
Reeboks, FUCK YEAH!
Fake Tits, FUCK YEAH!
Sushi, FUCK YEAH!
Taco Bell, FUCK YEAH!
Rodeos, FUCK YEAH!
Bed Bath And Beyond (fuck yeah... fuck yeah...)

Liberty, FUCK YEAH!
White Slips, FUCK YEAH!
The Alamo, FUCK YEAH!
Band-aids, FUCK YEAH!
Las Vegas, FUCK YEAH!
Christmas, FUCK YEAH!
Immigrants, FUCK YEAH!
Popeye, FUCK YEAH!
Demarcates, FUCK YEAH!
Republicans (fuck yeah... fuck yeah...)
Sportsmanship, ...
Books, ...

Halloween prep

2005-07-02T01:05:00.000-05:00

It's officially July so that means I need to seriously start working on my Halloween costume. I'm not joking. Really. This year I'm not waiting til the last minute. I'm getting a head start.

I have a bunch of ideas of what I'd like to do, most of them are duos and I can't ever get anyone to dress up with me. What's wrong with people? Halloween is the greatest holiday ever. I seriously don't know why it isn't a federal holiday. I would totally trade Presidents Day for Halloween.

Ok, here are some ideas.

Last year I tried to dress up like the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland, like an elegant/sexy stylized version, but I really needed an Alice to accompany me. But of course the girl who was going to do it backed out and I ran out of money. So I bought half the costume I was going to buy and went as a cancan girl. So that's one possibility.

I've also always wanted to go as Evil Lynn from He-Man but I gotta get someone to be Skeletor for it to really work.

I seem to recall my friends talking about doing a Rocky Horror group thing but I don't think they're motivated enough. I need to find some motivated holloweenie people.

If none of these work out, I'm going to go as Karen from Will & Grace. It's quick, inexpensive, and easy and I think my mom has been dying to go as Rosario.

I can't think of anything else right now...

Desperate!

2005-07-02T00:54:00.000-05:00

I have gone to at least 3 grocery stores in Austin and I cannot find ANY of Nabisco's new line of Fig Newtons! Supposedly they now make Carmel Apple, Strawberry Shortcake, and Cherry Cheesecake.

Well, I WANT some DAMNIT!

Please! Help me before someone gets shot in the face.

King Kong Trailer

2005-06-27T23:33:00.000-05:00

I swear to god it was only by accident that I had Fear Factor on tonight, but I happened to see the first King Kong trailer... and it totally RUINED everything! I guess I was expecting a teaser trailer with one or two select clips from the film but by all means, not of King Kong himself! Way to build up hype for a movie by showing all the goods! And I use the term "goods" loosely. The original Kong was more realistic looking than this poorly CG-a-fied apeshit.

Pause a moment. I can't believe I'm watching Jay Leno make a 1600 calorie, with 100g of fat, "Ham-Dog."

::gasp::

Make that "Fried Ham-Dog." ...smothered in chili.

::shudder::

But I digress. Where was I? Oh yes. Please don't attempt to peak our curiosity by teasing us with merely a glimpse at a primate's hand or only the sound of a low growl. No. Just put it all out there like a cheap, apathetic hooker.

Karma: Outlook Good

2005-06-27T18:20:00.000-05:00

I rescued more puppies today!!! Two cute adorable black puppies. Well, more doggish than puppish but, and Hey! Who the hell keeps abandoning dogs in front of my work like they're flicking a cigarette butt out the window? God that pisses me off to no end. I hope whoever's responsible gets very, very bad, painful diarrhea. And herpes.

I just want everyone out there to get one thing straight, damnit...

Puppies make the world go round!!!

See below...

Yes, I know!

2005-06-26T17:57:00.000-05:00

A whole freaking month has come to pass and not a single blog from me. Well, I'm sorry. I'm inconsistent like a mother fucker.
Hopefully that will change now that I have my wireless laptop back. It had fallen into a comatose state from which I was doubtful it would return. And taking advantage of vegetables is only fun for so long, so I'm glad it's back and better than ever.

What's new? Well, I've seen a few movies since Episode 3, so here's an update...
Mr. & Mrs. Smith... All you could want out of an action-packed, summer blockbuster with pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, god so pretty, faces. I must admit, I'm still not sure which one of them I liked watching better.

Episode 3 (again)... still loving it!

The Longest Yard... Suprisingly good. I went to this movie not knowing much about it. For some reason I thought it was just going to be some football movie (like Any Given Sunday or some bullshit) that happened to have Adam Sandler in it, but I was pleasantly surprised when I saw it was an MTV/Happy Madison production, even though they haven't had much success with their last few films, I knew it would at least be an attempt at comedy. And actually, it was pretty darn funny.

Bewitched... By no means is it the best movie of the year, but Will Ferrell was hilarious! If you're a fan of his, it's worth seeing...a matinee.

In other news, I finished watching the series Firefly from the mastermind, that is Joss Whedon, and it is just as beautiful and brilliant and amazing as his other two shows. I honestly can't believe that that show was cancelled. Damn main stream zombies.
There may still be hope with the release of Serenity. Sci-Fi is picking up the series, and maybe, just maybe, they'll commission new episodes. Hurrah!

With all the movies and TV I watch I know it seems hard to image that I ever make time for reading books! Well, guess what. I do!... make a little time... from time to time. Right now I'm reading this fascinating book which I stole from Scott, called The Writer's Journey by Christopher Vogler. It's based on Joseph Campbell's Hero With A Thousand Faces and it applies it to screenwriting. It explains that all good stories are based on the myth of the hero and it outlines the different characters encountered and stages of the story. I've always struggled with structure and direction so hopefully this book will help me to strengthen my screenplays and maybe someday in the near future I will finish that pesky screenplay you all keep asking about.

Alright, that's all for now, this laptop is scorching my thighs! And I have shit to do... like watch Family Guy and go to HEB.
::sigh::
I can't wait til my life is so less useless...

Episode III

2005-05-19T04:06:00.000-05:00

Jesus Christ! It's four-mother-fucking-o'clock in the god damn morning and I have to be up for work in, oh look! two hours. But..... it was *totally* worth it! Episode 3 rocked my fucking galactic shit! And thank you Alamo Drafthouse for making the experience even more memorable. They gave us free Star Wars computer games (which I'm probably going to sell on eBay), they showed tons of Star Wars parodies and other shit during the pre-show, and they even had a Star Wars menu (see below). I actually didn't get anything off it, but it looked really good. Anyway, back to Hayden Christensen and how mother fucking fine he is.

Damn! But seriously though, the movie was a lot better than expected.

If you don't think Maddox is funny, well... there's always suicide.

2005-05-13T20:23:00.000-05:00

If you still haven't checked out (or forgot about) The Best Page In The Universe, you must go to it NOW! Maddox is the *shit*!!!!! Even funnier than your mom's "O" face.

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.com

Surprise! A new post!

2005-05-11T19:31:00.000-05:00

Due to an *overwhelming* response of fan letters, Dingos is back! It truly brought tears to my eyes to see how many wonderful and caring fans I have out there, but it wasn't until I got a letter from little Ms. Bethy Blue simply saying "Sarah, you are such a cunt." that I was so moved to start blogging again. Thanks Bethy Blue!

Here's a few quick and random updates...

The last movie I rented was El Mariachi. I keep wanting to say that I'm a fan of Robert Rodriguez but I realized haven't seen his most important works. I realized I was just like any other dickface coming out of Sin City proclaiming I was a huge RR fan. Before Sin City, I'd only seen Four Rooms in which he only wrote/directed a 1/4 of the movie! So I started with El Mariachi which by the way was frickin awesome. Now I don't know if I should really go on to say anything more than that, because it seems no matter what I say about a movie I get criticized by somebody! If I don't say *why* I liked it and give some sort of in depth technical review, I'm sure to be humiliated by my film peers. However, if I do go off on some indepth technobabble review, no doubt one of my "civilian" friends would call me a douche. (And I'm sure they will anyway now that I gave them the idea). So I shall write separate reviews onEl Mariachi:

Film Peers: I really enjoyed this film. It really shows what you can do on a tight budget, that is if you're as brilliant as Robert Rodguiez. Carlos Gallardo plays a very un-Antonio Banderas mariachi.

You might call him a... how do you say?...

guileless character.

I'm also a fan of directors who use that fast forward effect in their films (like in Snatch, Requiem for a Dream, and Moulin Rouge). It's humorous and makes an otherwise redundant, boring action, interesting. But what I most appreciated about the movie is how it steered away from a Hollywood ending. But I don't want to ruin it for you. Anyway, I'm curious to see how the re-make Desperado differs from this version. After I finish this series, it's on to Spy Kids.

Non-film Peers: Me likie.

I'm a bit embarrassed to admit, but this season I've been sucked into the mindless, mundane dribble that is American Idol. I love it!I'm happy with the final three. I didn't think Constantine was good enough to win but I was hoping he was going to make it to the final four. Damn whoever created that Vote for the Worst page. For every person who you got to vote for the worst, I shall kill you!

Speaking of which, I'm very happy that not only is Family Guy back on the air, but it's funnier and more offensive than *ever*! Yea offensive jokes!

2005-04-04T15:07:00.000-05:00

I apologize to my one loyal blogger fan. I realize it's been over a month since I've updated Dingos. I haven't been in a bloggerie mood lately. Perhaps that's because I'm living the life of a DRONE!
...I did save a little doggie today. This morning as I was parking my car on the street (because temps aren't allowed to park their filthy peasant cars in the royal parking lot) I saw a larger than small animal trudge out into the street and sit down right on the yellow line. Talk about giving up. Fortunately, it wasn't a busy street. It turned out to be a blind cockerspaniel with the sadder than saddest look on its face. It was very docile and tame and we were able to lead it out of the street and into my car. I then took it to the Town Lake Animal Shelter. Since it was the buttasscrack of dawn they were closed, but some arriving employees told me to leave the animal in the night box. ........WTF?!?! It's more just like a wall of cages. So I stuffed the poor thing in one and filled out some paperwork.
I really hope it passes the medical exam. I don't want to call back and find out they've euthanized it! I wanted to take it home with me but I know Monty, my feisty Scottish Terrier, would have something to say about that. He has no sympathy for the blind.
I saw Sin City over the weekend thanks to my big gay sugar daddy. And it was
sin-tastic! Seriously, Bruce Willis and Jessica Alba making out is worth the price of admission. Ok, maybe not for you, but for me!
Shizz. Break time is over. But I'll start publishing more often so check back.

Oscars 2005

2005-02-28T12:30:00.000-06:00

Last night I went with Mike, Caroline and Jonathan to Oscar Night at Alamo Drafthouse. They gave out champagne and crappy grab bags and some people dressed up like the celebs. And some guy was dressed as Dr. Evil went around entertaining people. He told me I was like a frickin' walking cliffs notes because I tell it like it is.
I ordered so much food I felt like gagging myself over the toilet. Well! It's like a 5 hr event and I like to eat. Got a problem with that???????!
At first, I was disappointed Billy Crystal wasn't hosting, but then Chris Rock came out and told everyone to sit there asses down, it was just pure controversial fun after that! Chris Rock is the new Billy Crystal!!!!!!!! Yay!!!!
Very happy Jamie Foxx and Cate Blanchett won. Oh and Eternal Sunshine and Sideways for screenplays. And Beyonce fucking reigned with her rendition of Learn to Be Lonely from Phantom and also that frenchie song. I need to download her singing those.

The Fly

2005-02-16T09:41:00.000-06:00

I watched The Fly on TV last night. That's some freaky ass shit! It wasn't like scary like omg! dead girl crawling out of my TV scary. But Jeff Goldblum was frickin creepy as this mutated man-fly.

The movie has major ick factor but I couldn't help but occasionly burst out with laugher thinking of Jeff Goldblum as Scott Woolley on Will & Grace.
Anyway, it was a pretty good movie for its time oo! and it contains lots of talk of abortation. hahahahahaha! Abortions.

Anyway, here's a picture of some flies doing it.

2005-02-15T19:10:00.000-06:00

Went to DFW this weekend for Andrew's bday - fun fun fun puke and more fun! First we liquored it up at Andrew's place and then took a pimp ass hummer limousine to downtown Dallas where we partied at The Roundup - a gay cowboy bar. It was a lot of interesting fun but the highlight of the night was when one of our friends puked his guts out in the limo. Tons of pics were taken so I'll post em when I get em - not the puke, the party.

Vday was actully very cool. My work did a White Elephant gift exchange - they're such dorks but I love it! I ended up with one of the best gifts - some lotions from Victoria's Secret and a Fossil travel alarm clock.

Vday is also Monty's birthday. We got him a duck that quacks.

For dinner, I went out with Scott and Doug to Rocco's, this classy italian restaurant. I had the Margarita Pizza - soooooooooo good!!!
Anyway, we had a lot of fun making fun of people who only had one date. How lame!!! Ahahahahahaha!

2005-02-08T13:39:00.000-06:00

Current mood: Bored
Weight lost: 0 lbs

I can never think of enough stuff to blog about. I'm so boring. I have no drama. I get up at 6:10 every weekday morning and go to work. I do boring stuff all day and come home with a few hrs to eat dinner and relax. Then I go to bed early. Rinse and repeat.

I need some mo fo drama, people! Stab me in the back if you must; literally or figuratively or better yet, both!!

My fortune cookie fortune says:
Be prepared for a sudden, needed, and happy change in plans.

Well whatever it is, I hope it's not boring.

Here's a cute picture of a cat. Amuse yourself.

2005-02-05T09:55:00.000-06:00

Current Mood: Lazy-butt
Weight Lost: 0 lbs
Total saved for pending Vegas Vacation: $1,068.00

Yes! I'm goin' to Vegas, thanks to my hefty income tex return! I can't wait to gamble and drink and buy my fisrt hooker! We're also planning to maybe see one show... I really wanted to see George Carlin, but it looks like he's in rehab. Damn him! Couldn't he have held out a few more months? Cirque du Soliel isn't playing there anymore, either. Neither is Showgirls. WTF!! I *hate* Vegas!!!!!!

I'm so bored of my job. It's a pretty good job and probably the best and highest paying I've had so far and I do like everyone I work with but... I'M BORED! I'm workin' hard at goin' nowhere. I need to finish a screenplay. I need a sponser. Somebody pay me to be creative!!

From the creator's of Family Guy...

2005-02-02T20:56:00.000-06:00

"American Dad"

OMG!!! I looove cartoons that alienate and mock people! Especially... well, aliens! Hahahaha! I can't wait!

Stan Smith, who works for the CIA and is constantly on the alert for terrorist activity. Stan will go to extremes to protect his beloved America from harm; as evidenced by the terror-alert color code on his fridge, and his frequent knee-jerk reaction of shooting holes in the toaster whenever the toast pops up.

In addition to Stan's wife and teenage children, the Smith household has two rather unconventional members. There's Roger, the sarcastic space alien who rescued Stan from Area 51 who deeply resents the fact that he's not allowed to leave the house, and therefore, has been reduced to drinking wine and smoking cigarettes, and Klaus, a lascivious, German-speaking goldfish; the result of a CIA experiment gone seriously wrong where the CIA tried to give a fish a German man's brain. Stan's son is a dorky teenager who tries to be cool. His wife has had a past life of sex and drugs.

--imdb.com

I've never been a big fan of The Real World, but now that they're in Austin, I guess I'm going to have to start watching. When you watch it, notice the two punks that stand outside all day and never leave. That'd be Doug and me.

Here's an article and a clip of The Real World: Austin.

2005-01-31T13:52:00.000-06:00

Current Mood: Office Drone
Weight lost: -2 lbs
Total saved for pending Vegas Vacation: $45.00

Ugh. I really blew off my diet this weekend. Thanks a lot Doug! Whenever I get around you, I wanna eat. ...junkfood. Not-- ...nevermind.

I saw Hide & Seek this weekend at the recommendation of a close, formally reliable, source. Granted Dakota Fanning rocked the shit out of this movie and most of the it was scary enough to make me slouch down in my seat and watch through the protection of my hands. But so often with horror films, the ending didn't payoff. It was trying to be all M. Night Shamallamadingdong but fell short. Its twist ending ended up twisting so far it tripped over itself and fell down. ...and then I kicked it and stabbed it and threw out a 6 story building. Ha! ...I think a bus hit it too.

Next on my list is Million Dollar Baby. To be honest, I'm only seeing it because it's nominated. The subject matter doesn't really appeal to me.

2005-01-28T21:29:00.000-06:00

I'm finally getting back into photography... or rather, fitting it into my schedule, thanks to Doug. He asked me to take some photographs of him for his agent. Out of nowhere, everyone's been asking me to take their picture lately. I've got two shoots this weekend, although I think the rain is going to postpone one of them.

If you'd like me to take photos of you, I'll do it for free. All I ask is that you pay for your film and processing, and allow me copies for my portfolio. Just email me @ rystall79@aol.com and let me know.

Here's the top picks from Douggie's shoot (click to enlarge):

Viva Las Vegas!

2005-01-24T13:28:00.000-06:00

Yea!!!!!!!! I'm goin' to Vegas!

That is.... if I can save up $1000 by April..............

C'mon, I know I can do it! Just this weekend I put $20 in my savings account. Do you know how hard that is for me? Plus I'm gonna sell drugs and my body to make up the difference... so the way I figure I'll have $1000 bucks before March!

Yay!!!!!!! I wanna go to Vegas!!!! Yay!!!!!!

2005-01-16T13:32:00.000-06:00

TheElvaan: My life - at times - is an episode of sex and the city.
Rystall79: my life is more an episode of a sit-com that was canceled for being too boring
Rystall79: but one that later built up a great cult base of fans!
Rystall79:and did very well on dvd
TheElvaan:aww.
TheElvaan:I'd buy you.

2005-01-14T21:48:00.000-06:00

Yay! Douggie's got an audition for a role as a young John McCain in an upcoming movie. Go Douggie! Go Douggie! It's ya birthday!

But damnit, Doug... Just remember that I made you!!!! ......cupcakes! With choc'it icing and sp'inkles! hehe

2005-01-08T13:05:00.001-06:00

I *hate* the word panties.

The Aviator < Ocean's Twelve

2005-01-08T13:05:00.000-06:00

I saw The Aviator last night. I was really psyched because all I seem to hear lately is "Dude! Have you seen Aviator? It rocks man! It fucking *rocks*!!" or "The Aviator blew my mind!"

Yeah, they should have stopped at *blew*.

Damnit, I hate when I don't *get* movies that everyone else seems to love. It was too damn long for one. And it was a bio pic so it was lacking in the plot. Sure I can appreciate what Scorsese was doing but I was extremely bored. The only redeeming quality for me was Cate Blanchett. She gave an Oscar-worthy performance as Katharine Hepburn.

Did I mention that I loved The Phantom of the Opera?!?!?! :-D

2005-01-05T13:54:00.000-06:00

So I got this new silk cami from Gap for Xmas and I wore it to work today because it looks badass w/ a suit. But at lunch I took my jacket off and like three people came up to me and said "Um, are you sure that's appropriate office attire?" or "Keep it in the bedroom!"

Gah!

Don't you hate when you hear an really cool song on the radio and when the DJ comes back on, you're all like "Oo oo! What is it? What is it?" But then the DJ total disregards that he's a fucking DJ and proceeds to tell you about some fucking dumb contest that you aren't going to win or some anecdote about himself that you really didn't care to know...? Don't you hate that? Don't you *FUCKING HATE* that? Doesn't that just piss you off when you've had a terribly suck ass day?
Well my co-worker showed me the coolest site. Check out yes.net and you can look up the damn song yourself! It's that easy. Fuck DJs.

Awe, fuck. Lunch is almost over already.

Go to hell Tuesday! You suck!

2005-01-04T15:11:00.000-06:00

Yay, breaktime!

I really hate Tuesdays. Ever since Buffy went off the air, Tuesday has been the obnoxious, ungrateful step-child out of all the days of the week. I hate Tuesday more than I hate Monday. Monday's really not that bad because you're all relaxed and refreshed from the weekend, so everything feels new again. But by Tuesday you're like "God damnit! I just did this for 8 hrs on Monday! And I've got 3 more days after this. It's not even hump day yet! Kill me!"

At least that's the speech I recite every day of Tues.

And it's like the fates got together and said "Hey guys, I got us all together here because I was thinking... We really ought to take all the weeks problems and stuff them into one day. I'm thinking Tuesday. What do you say?"

Bastards.

Hmm...I lost track of time...has it been 15 mins yet? I get easily distracted at work by the internet and also, I printed out a buttload of pics from movies with my new scanner/printer/copier/coffeemaker and pinned em up around my cube. I get hypnotized by my eye candy when I'm on hold with an employer and then when someone picks up I forget what the hell I was calling for... I'm all "Oh, hey, uh bluh, Spike and, err ...bye!"

::eyes wander::

::shakes head:: Alright, that's it. I'm going home.

I've got a fever!

2005-01-03T06:47:00.000-06:00

...and a new button.

hehe

Click here to watch Christopher Walken the performance of his lifetime.

I gotta have more cowbell, baby!

Cluck! Cluck! Cluck! Cluck! Cluck! Cluck! Cluck! Cluck! Cluck! Cluck!

Warm Holiday Wishes from Ann Coulter

2004-12-29T13:55:00.000-06:00

To The People Of Islam:

Just think: If we'd invaded your countries, killed your leaders and converted you to Christianity YOU'D ALL BE OPENING CHRISTMAS PRESENTS RIGHT ABOUT NOW!
Merry Christmas

--Ann Coulter

This post courtesy of impy42, professional baby puncher.

Double Feature

2004-12-26T19:04:00.000-06:00

I saw Phantom of the Opera for the eyecandy and it ended up being an amazing movie too. One of my top ten now. Oo, and Phantom is a hottie! Played by scottie Gerard Butler (Lara Croft: Cradle of Life, Dracula 2000).

::drool:: Awe, why does she have to pick the damn lameass guy? Phantom is so much cooler. Stupid bitch.

I also saw Finding Neverland, which was alright, but kind of a downer. But whatever, Johnny Depp is so damn kickass. He's a deadpan genius. I love all his characters.

2004-12-26T14:05:00.000-06:00

Yay! I got a scanner for Christmas! So... here's one of those pictures I promised of me barfing. Enjoy... you bastards.

Current Mood: Mortified Current Color: Crimson

2004-12-20T13:47:00.000-06:00

Oh god.....

Apparently I was dancing too. Or grinding rather. ...in a sandwich with two co-workers... to Abba's Dancing Queen!

Funny thing was... there wasn't a dance floor.

::sink in chair::

All I want for Christmas is my dignity back OR How I got wasted at the office Christmas Party

2004-12-19T20:49:00.000-06:00

Ummm.... yeah.

Sometimes I get a little crazy and don't think so clearly and do really super embarrassing things that I wish I could erase from everyone's memory. Other times, I get really fucking wasted.

So, the plan was we were going to have a long lunch/gift exchange at Joe's Crab Shack and then move the party over to Baby A's for happy hour(s). I actually wasn't all in the mood for frozen strawberry margaritas and idle chit chat and I had some errands to run before Caroline's Christmas party later that night. And I almost got away but my boss put the guilt trip on me.

Seriously! She was all like "Hey, want to go to happy hour?"

Gah! I mean, what am I supposed to say to that!?!?!

I only had the intention of staying for one drink, but unfortunately, my first drink was a mexican martini. That's like 3 drinks. And then we were actually having a really good time being the loudest, most obnoxious table.

And really I was going to stop there, but I noticed one of my co-workers was drinking a chardonnay. My favorite!!! So I had to get one. And then that would be it.

After I finished off the chardonnay, that's when I came to a fork in the road. Do I stop now and keep my wits about me? Usually I can. But unfortunately, I was so drunk I tripped over the fork and tumbled into two strawberry margaritas.

Oops!

I vaguely remember leaving Baby A's. Thank God Doug was there to drive me to Caroline's party.

That's where things started to flicker into blackout mode.

You know when you've had a black out and you think back and you can remember these random moments? Like little blurbs.

Doug and I had stopped at HEB because I was supposed to bring a dessert to Caroline's pot luck/Christmas party (but apparently, as I found out later, I told Doug "Pizza will be fine").

So, I had these flashes of memories. They were, me reaching for a 40 oz bottle of Shiner. My hand snatching a bag of bows. Then, at Caroline's, Scott holding a bottle of Shiner with a bow on it.

I had blackouted for 3 hrs! I was slowly coming to. I realized I was lying on Caroline's couch with a blanket over me. Mike was sitting on the floor by me, Doug and Caroline, Jonathan and Scott were all there, sitting around and chatting. And my mouth tasted like throw up. Gross!

Apparently, I had been there for 3 hours. Mike told me that when he first arrived at the party, he wasn't expecting anyone else to be there. So he was quite surprised when he opened the door and heard laughing. And even more so to walk into the living room see me barfing in a trashbag.

From what I hear I did all sorts of hilarious things that night. Some of them were done to me. Doug tried to feed me a roll with blue cheese dressing on it but ended up just smearing it all over my face when I wouldn't eat it.

I also heard that, at one point while I was left alone with my head hanging over the toilet, I actually stood up and threw up in Caroline's sink instead of in the toilet. Poor Caroline had to clean it all up with a scented sachel pressed firm against her nose.

The worst part? They took pictures.

I also found out later that the reason I was lying on the couch with a blanket over me was I kept pulling my skirt up. Yep. Got a picture of that too.

I'll have to post some of the pictures whenever I can get them scanned. They may be embarrassing but GOD they are hilarious!

Well, I hope you enjoyed laughing at my expense. Again.

But just know that one day... I will stab you in the face!

So D-licious!

2004-12-15T13:43:00.000-06:00

Dougylicious has a blog now... god! It's like I get a blog and then everyone has to. Whatever! This is sooo highschool all over again.

Except...this time I have friends.

Ok...paid friends.

Anyway, I guess if you want to visit his blog and mock him for being such a princess, then here's the link http://dougylicious.blogspot.com/

Sappy and Statickie

2004-12-13T20:55:00.000-06:00

Damn tree. It took 15 mins for us to get it in the base. And it's crooked. And I've got so much sap on me that if you threw me at a wall, I'd stick. And then you could take bets at how long it would take gravity to peel me off. Damn you for mocking me.

It's not as bad as two Christmas' ago, though. They tied the tree to the top of the car. Thinking it was on there nice and snug, I took the freeway home. A half mile before our exit, the damn thing committed suicide.

We went back to look for it. Not a trace. It splintered into oblivion.

I love my new button. It says "I've got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell!"

Here is the link to the Chris Walken cowbell skit for the uncultured.

Speaking of which, I have to get a damn culture test tomorrow.

Cough cough.

Ocean's Twelve < dog shit

2004-12-11T18:51:00.000-06:00

Ow. My throat is still soar. And my nose is still snuffy. On the brighter side, I've infected two people! So maybe in the spirit of The Ring, I won't die.

Monty just had diarrhea all over the damn apt. It looked like half-melted dog shit. All glossy. I found him, all puppy-dog faced, in my closet. You know the face. That face that looks like they feel ashamed for doing something really bad like, oh... shitting all over the carpet... not to mention your L.L. Bean backpack. You know, your favorite one? The one that has your initials embroidered on it, that you've had since you were a freshman in high school?

Speaking of stenchy, vomit-inducing dog shit, I saw Ocean's Twelve last night. What a big fucking disappointment that was. And speaking of big fucking disappointments, hi! I'm Sarah. But I digress. I can't believe Rotten Tomatoes actually gave it as high a mark as 68%. I think the following review sums it up:

"Ridiculous heist foisted on us by beautiful actors. "
-- Victoria Alexander, FILMSINREVIEW.COM

And the sour cherry on top of my shitty Ocean's Twelve cake was, when we were standing around in the lobby discussing the mind-numbing trash we had just witnessed, I noticed an advertisement for a Buffy Sing-a-Long at the other Alamo, taking place at that very moment. /stabself

Fortunately, they're having an encore show next week! Hurrah!

There's so much good stuff playing at Alamo this month. Foleyvision is doing Santa vs. Satan!

This holiday season, Foleyvision takes on an incredibly ludicrous Christmas movie from south of the border that features your favorite laughing fat man in a red suit versus your favorite laughing skinny man in a red suit. And this time, it's personal.

And of course the Sinus boys are doing their Christmas Special. Oo! And I want to see Chinatown because they're going to have a special Chinese menu! Oh, and I really need to see Chinatown, if I want to continue calling myself a film major. But, OMG, Chinese food! Yea!!!!!!

Here are five movies I surprisingly haven't seen yet. But, shhh, if word gets out, they might take my degree back...

1. Gone with the Wind
2. Sunset Blvd
3. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
4. Ben-Hur
5. Braveheart

And here's five movies I really wanna see...

1. Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle
2. Finding Neverland
3. Napoleon Dynamite
4. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
5. Dodgeball

Oh, god...please don't mention... turkey sausage... /dryheave

2004-12-10T05:25:00.000-06:00

Heh, so remember that whole thing I said about you really shouldn't call in to work for the first couple weeks cause it looks bad?...

well, uhh...

I lied.

Now, now, I have legit reasons! I'm actually sick, believe it or not.

Cough, cough.

Seriously, though. I am. I'll probably just call in a half day but right now my throught is sore, I have a headache and my nose is snuffy. And I was feeling a little pukie earlier. I'm already on my 2nd dose of Dayquil. And I have insomnia. I wonder if that is because of the Dayquil... I know it's non-drowsy, but does it actually work to keep you awake?

Frick.

I'm not very smarts when it comes to that science stuff. Seriously, what would you do with a science degree anyway? Like become a doctor or something? Shyeah! Whatever. Like there's a future in that!

It's Satan's fault that I'm going to die of a blood clot.

2004-12-09T10:24:00.000-06:00

I'm on a break at work right now. I really should get up and stretch my legs but I'd rather mess around on the internet. This happens everytime I go on break or lunch. I say I really need to get up and walk around. But then Satan's interconnected system of networks seduces me and I'm helpless.

I really hope I don't get a blood clot. Damn Satan and his infernal Internets!

2004-12-08T19:27:00.000-06:00

I did not want to get up this morning. Damn hangover.

Whenever the alarm goes off in the morning, I always try to think if there's any possible way I can get out of work for the day. But today I remembered it was only my second day and it would look really bad if I didn't go. You really can't start calling in for at least a week and a half. Maybe two. So next I start thinking

ok, maybe I'll sleep in for 15 more minutes and get ready really super fast.

But then I remember every single time I try that, I'm late. So then I think

alright, what can I skip today? Shower? There's ten extra minutes right there!

But there's no way. If I don't shower in the morning I look like a grease monkey.

Not dry my hair? Yeah, ok, and go in looking like something a cat hacked up. Not brush my teeth? ...Ew, gotta do that. Breakfast? Fuck that. ARGG! Fine. I'll get up. But I may have to stab someone today...

Amidst my muttering during the morning drive today, I noticed a bunch of trailers parked next to this park at 15th and Mopac. As it turns out, Robert Rodriguez is filming a movie called The Adventures of Shark Boy & Lava Girl in 3-D. Sounds promising...

Oo! Quintuplets is about to start! I love that show. Apart from being a really funnyshow, that little kid Patton is so cute! What is it with me and short men? They're so portable...

Filling in for the pube-wookie...

2004-12-07T20:56:00.000-06:00

So I got thru the first day of work... It wasn't sooooo bad. I'm getting paid more of course.

Oh, and sorry in advance for any spelling errors. I've had a few. At Charlies - this faggy bar... mmm alcohol.

But god. I hate the first day of work. You're all like trying to figure out what's wrong and what's right. What's acceptable attire? What can I get away with? Who's cool? Who should I put a ten foot barrier between? And who had my desk before me? Seriously??!?!?! It looked like pubic hair all over the place! GROSS! Thank god for the community clorox wipes in the break room!!!!! Yuck!

I be employment

2004-12-06T13:57:00.000-06:00

After I got back from Thanksgiving in Scottsdale, AZ - a beautiful, beautiful place which I one day intend to buy and I will fly there every weekend in my trump-o-copter, but I digress... when I got back to my lowly temp job over at the AG's (that's street slang for Attorney General...ok, maybe it's abbreviation) I found that it was abruptly ending, in fact.

I'm just glad they didn't wait to tell me all this FIVE. MINUTES. BEFORE. FIVE O'CLOCK.

And now I will unclench my teeth.

Anyway, it all worked out because as soon as I got back from Thanksgiving vacation I realized how much I really needed a vacation.

YAY! I love vacation!!

I got a lotta shizz done that I had been meaning to do, so that was nice. Ya know, like lay around, watch the telly, shop, eat and lay around oh and shower. Which reminds me, I need to put some work in on that screenplay thingie...

But now I'm going to a new assignment tomorrow, basically doing the same thing at another AG branch and they're paying me fitty cent mo! I rule!

hehe I just heard a bang in the other room followed by 'Fuck!'

Thanksgiving was its usual mixture of splendor and horror. Every four years my paternal fam has a reunion at a different location. I've been pushing for Hawaii for as long as I can remember but my Californian uncle wanted something he could drive to. Which by the way is the least safest way of travel during the holidays which he proved by getting in a fender bender on the way home.

But Scottsdale turned out to be the bomb. I had no idea the southwestern desert was more than a pile of sand. They actually have mountains and cacti and flowers and Marriott Resorts with roomservice!

Yay! Roomservice! Oo! And spas!

We stayed at The Camelback Inn. It really was excellent. And just the right time of year - there was a high of 75 and a low of 40. I took some pics which I will try to post whenever I can get to a scanner.

Anyway, that was obviously the "splendor" part. The horror part was spending it with each and every member of my paternal family.

I'm just kidding. There was at least one person who didn't come. And it wasn't that bad. I love my fam. I just get a little crabby when for example we gather around the ol' Thanksgiving table and find that our food is being held hostage until we sing the hymn Oh come all ye Thankful, Come and go around the table and say what we're thankful for. Oh yes and let's not forget the prayer, which mainly promoted more bloodshed in Iraq and rah rah for more years of Bush rah rah. We're talking a Repub to Dem ratio of 15:1. We talking a Christian to 'spiritual person with no religious affiliation' ratio... oh sorry, my bad, Christian to heathen ratio of 15:1. And of course we're also talking an insanity to sanity ratio of 15:1. And by the time dinner was over, 16:0.

But hey, what's Thanksgiving without the nutty fam? God love 'em!

That was my Thanksgiving is a nutshell, so to speak. Now I'm looking forward to Christmas. I'm flying to New Jersey for a reunion with my maternal family. A family full of alcoholics, paranoids, neurotics, short fuses, and finger pointers. Or, as I like to refer to them, the sane side of the family. I can't wait!

2004-11-18T17:52:00.000-06:00

AdamRio1978: you should change your screenname to AustinMcSlut78727

Why does God HATE me!?!?!

2004-11-16T13:44:00.000-06:00

Booooooo! According to imdb news, Tom Hanks is most likely to star in Ron Howard's adaptation of The Da Vinci Code. Boo to Ron Howard too! They're just going to flub it up with their blockbusterie hollywoodness. It's like can we find anyone more famous to ass rape Dan Brown's masterpiece? While we're at it let's just throw in Julia Roberts and Anthony Hopkins and make it a well rounded gang bang. Not that I have anything against these actors or director. I don't. In fact I love them, in their own element. Ron Howard was the perfect choice, in my opinion, to direct How the Grinch Stole Christmas. But I hate to see them monopolize ever damn adaptation that comes along. Perhaps, instead I should be bashing these casting directors or whatever faceless morons make these decisions. Personally I think Ridley Scott and Kevin Kline would have been much better suited for this film. I hope those responsible for this nonsense redeem themselves by at least choosing someone like the lovely Audrey Tautou to play Sophie Neveu.

2004-11-11T14:21:00.000-06:00

Right now I'm reading...

This is the funniest political book I've ever read. And trust me, I've read quite a few political books in my day. 1 1/2 to be exact. So I think I have some jurisdiction in this area. Anyway, it's a terrific page turner with humor abound.

I tried to locate a good quote but alas, I could not find one compact enough. I'm sure I'll find one in the next chapter: Bill O'Reilly: Lying, Splotchy Bully.

Voter Fraud

2004-11-11T14:02:00.000-06:00

If you've been living under a rock the past few weeks, like people do, then you probably haven't heard about all the reports of VOTER FRAUD in numerous states, especially Ohio.

In Cuyahoga County, Ohio, in 29 precincts, the County’s Website shows, more votes than voters.

93,000 more votes than voters!!!!!

Only 13,342 registered voters there, but they cast 18,472 votes.

This is absolutely, without a doubt, voter fraud. This is awful. No matter who you voted for, and no matter who is behind this, this has to be resolved!

Black Box Voting, nonpartisan, nonprofit consumer protection group for elections, has been investigating election irregularities for two years. The group has honed in on voting machines, citing problems with internal audit logs, tamperability, improper testing and certification, and bogus results. The group is now calling for citizen-initiated recounts.

But it's not free. It costs $10 per precinct. And there are literally thousands of precincts in question. Black Box Voting needs to raise around $115,000 to do this. And they need it before the second week of December or whenever the the Electoral College is supposed to convene.

Please, please, please donate to this cause! Whatever you can. If you can donate ten bucks, well, that's a whole precinct! Let's be honest, that ten bucks sitting in your bank account right now was just going to go to booze, drugs, sex, frappicinos, and/or dirty magazines! You know it. Don't deny it! So just this once, donate it instead. Go to http://www.helpamericarecount.org/

If you're 10 bucks away from being homeless and just can't afford it, then please, at the very least, forward this email to all your friends and family (you may want to delete that part about sex, drugs, etc...). Seriously, how hard is that?

Do your country a favor! Donate to Black Box Voting ASAP http://www.helpamericarecount.org/

2004-11-06T01:55:00.000-06:00

Say it with me now...

2004-11-06T01:11:00.000-06:00

bushwhacked adj. Feeling depressed, terribly dejected, disgusted, confused, scared, disturbed, and really f***ing pissed off all at the same time.

Now let's use it in a sentence...

Today I feel really f***ing bushwhacked.

2004-10-01T09:15:00.000-05:00

If I'm leaving a post than that means I must have A LOT of time on my hands. I'm at a temp job right now and my main responsibility is answering the phone. Let's see, I'm about an hour into my second day and I've had about 30 calls. Total. Including yesterday. I know, I must be nuts to complain about a job with 15 minutes of actual labor and in turn provides me with internet access, unlimited beverages and snack food, free catered lunch, a gorgeous building, a reasonable location, and pays $10/hr. ...BUT I'M FRICKIN BORED OUT OF MY MIND! AHHHHHH! Seriously, I've already been to bored.com and used the birthdate database to look up ex-boyfriends. EMBARRASSING!

Yea!

2004-08-04T01:49:00.000-05:00

Ok...so I'm slowly getting this whole HTML crap. I've even got some links now. Hopefully I can figure out how to futher fancify my blog with some pics n' flashy stuff. And by "figure out" I mean ask Beth. Frick! It's 2am and it's a work nite. I guess I'll hurl myself down the stairs so I don't have to go in tomorrow. Yea!!! No work!!!

Sarah on Politics...

2004-07-31T10:04:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I have a strong desire to understand this stuff and other times I'm just like... I want a sandwich.

For some great democratic humor, check out www.seeyageorge.com

2004-07-24T10:38:00.000-05:00

Oh yeah. I forgot that I'm supposed to write in this thing every week. Thanks, Beth for reminding me. Really, I'm just waiting to upgrade it with ghetto bootilicious FX before I unveil it. Beth is supposed to help me with that since she's the blogmaster.
I saw the Bourne Supremecy last night. Ehh. The first one was more dimentional. This one was just pure action, jackson.
And what's up with Michael Jackson having quads?

El Blog: Spanish for... (dramatic pause) ...The Blog

2004-07-12T20:26:00.000-05:00

Hello friends, foes, and faggamuffins! Welcome to El Blog. I bet you're wondering how this blog came to be. What is its innate purpose? Is the world ready for it? Where can I get a good ham sandwhich at 2am?

The truth is this. Last night, I was walking my scottydog, Monty, with x-large inside-out baggie ready in hand and a mountain of frustration building. It always takes Monty at least 20 mintues to find the perfect patch of grass to excrete his waste matter upon. This is because he knows the very second that last tappering chunk hits the ground he will be whiplashed across the lawn back up into the apartment (well, ok, a slight pause as my bagged hand scoops up his hot, steaming pile). Anyway, last night, he was really taking his time. It had been 35 minutes and we had yet to find the night's sanctuary of defecation. Just as I was about to give up all hope and line the livingroom with newspaper and Bush campaign posters, he popped a squat. It was THEN! when I bent over to collect the night's batch that it hit me. Yes, that one delayed missle-launched chunk, but also an idea! Create my very own Blog! And so here it is.
As for the other questions, folks, I have no answers. I just ask them.